


so it goes

by kusuos



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Darth Tantrum and his Evil Space Ginger, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Post TFA, Soft Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Starkiller Base (Star Wars), hand holding, starkiller rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27965078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kusuos/pseuds/kusuos
Summary: "Hux wakes to feel a pair of warm, calloused hands covering his. He doesn’t remember much, just the mission brief, the landing, and the cold."
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 142





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [solohux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solohux/gifts).



> please leave comments/kudos if you enjoyed it! hopefully this will be three or four chapters/abt 10k words, i'll update as soon as i can. also thank you to solohux for all the support on "with you", this is for you <3

Ren found him in the snow. 

He’d had dreams about it, the force had warned him, but he’d dismissed it as regular nightmares, like the ones about his father. Ren had always been afraid of losing the people who were most important to him, and the only person that he really had left was his co-commander. 

For now, they weren’t anything more than that, their relationship steadfast in the fact that it was ever changing and undefined. They refused to talk about what they were and trusted each other completely, while still knowing their partnership could shatter like glass at any moment and that Ren or Hux could try and kill his co-commander. 

There was something special about trust built on the fact that they knew one of them would kill the other someday. 

They refused to talk about Starkiller as well, never brought up Hux’s failure or how Ren had killed his father and lost to the scavenger girl; about how Hux had carried him out of the snow, had come for him and saved his life. 

Hux was laying on his side, curled into a comma-like shape. Snow had fallen over where his greatcoat had been draped around him, probably a last ditch attempt to provide more warmth against the sharp bite of the cold. 

He carries him back to the ship bridal style, like he had when he’d captured Rey, but this time it feels more intimate. 

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s a rescue not a capture or the strange tension that always seems to be between them but it’s different. 

He’s not sure how he feels about it. 

The walk back to the ship gives him time to think, more time than he usually gets. 

Walking in the snow is similar to meditation somehow, the constant pattern of his steps leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

The only difference is the force isn’t as strong. It’s there, it’s almost always there but it’s not shouting at him, not trying to drag him in a million different directions. 

It watches over them, guides him back to the ship as he thinks. 

He knows he finds Hux attractive, he always has, and his attraction has only grown stronger over nights spent strategizing in his quarters, or sitting in silence at the observation deck when neither of them can sleep. 

When they argue, he gets the urge to press Hux into the durasteel walls of the Finalizer and kiss the knowing smirk off of his face. 

He’s not sure how he  _ feels  _ though. 

Emotions have always been hard for him, anger being the most prominent one, so strong that he often lets it control him, but he’s always had difficulty knowing how to love people. 

He loves strongly and when it doesn’t get returned he crashes and burns. It had happened with his father and that had ended with one of them dead. 

The force brings him back to reality by sending a sharp pain through his head. He winces but his ship is in sight. 

He smiles at it, it’s two wings up in landing position. He’d had it custom made for himself and it flies like a dream. 

Hux hates it. Whenever they go on missions he rants about how it’s a failure of engineering and a disgrace to the first order. 

The thought makes him wince, and he thinks that Hux might not make it through to comment on how his ship was an abomination ever again. 

He hurries into the shuttle so he can dress his wounds and warm him up as soon as possible.

* * *

  
  


Ren stays by Hux’s side as he recovers. He doesn't want him to have to wake up alone like he did after Starkiller, he doesn’t want him to wallow in his own failure. 

Hux is hard on himself, harder than even Snoke is on both of them. He shouldn’t be, Hux is a strategic and military genius and has one of the most complex minds Ren has ever seen. 

His thoughts are always so  _ loud _ , but he’s never easy to read; his mind is like a fortress or a maze. 

He watches him as he’s unconscious, begging the force that he wakes up soon. 

The bacta patches on his arms and face almost blend into his smooth skin, which is paler than usual from the cold. 

Hopefully it’s enough that he’ll be safe from frostbite, he doesn’t want to leave scars against the beautifully freckled skin he’d seen for the first time as he tended to his wounds. 

He admires the way Hux looks on the bunk. The ship doesn’t have a medbay, so he’s in Ren’s bunk in the sleeping quarters. 

The snow has made his damp, fire red hair come loose from its usual pomade and gel style and it falls into his face a little. 

Something in him makes him reach for Hux’s hand, maybe it’s love, maybe it’s just that he looks so small and so alone in the bunk. 

He holds on tightly, and lets his thoughts wander, hoping that Hux wakes soon. 

It’s almost like meditation, he thinks. He’s able to be at peace when they’re together. 

  
  


* * *

Hux wakes to feel a pair of warm, calloused hands covering his. He doesn’t remember much, just the mission brief, the landing, and the cold. 

His eyes haven’t opened yet but he guesses he’s back on the ship. 

He and Ren were the only ones sent on the mission, Snoke saying that they needed to work together more and that they were the only ones who had a high enough security clearance to retrieve the object anyways. 

He feels heavy, impossibly heavy and it’s dark, so very dark, and suddenly he feels like he’s falling and his eyelashes flutter. 

He blinks deeply and the room comes into view. He’s in the small sleeping quarters of Ren’s ridiculous bat-like shuttle and there are bacta patches scattered all over his body, probably to help with the frostbite. 

The usual hum of a running ship is absent so he assumes they’re still on the planet, somewhere in the outer rim, a planet so small and out of the way it only gets a string of numbers and letters instead of a name. 

He turns his head, and almost passes out again from the effort, but Ren is there and he was right, those are his hands over his. 

“You’re awake,” Ren says a small smile on his face. 

He looks relieved, which surprises Hux; part of him knows that Ren wants him dead and that he could’ve left him in the snow to die. 

“Well no shit,” Hux chooses to say instead of one of the many questions 

Ren stares at him blankly for a second and then bursts out in laughter. 

Hux stares at him, a mirror image of how Ren had looked at him before. 

He’s never seen Ren laugh like that before; he’s seen him snort at his sarcastic comments and do something that would be considered a giggle if it was done by anyone else by the force user. 

Something in him warms now that he knows he’s okay, he’s out of the snow and Ren is by his side. 

He never wants to see snow ever again, just wants to stay there where it’s safe. 

Mentally he double takes when he realizes that safety and Ren are linked in his mind, but he doesn’t show it. 

He realizes that Ren’s hands are still covering his and looks down at them. They both have their gloves off and his skin tingles where their hands meet. 

He looks up and Ren meets his eyes, a silent question in them. 

_ Is this okay? _

Hux nods and Ren squeezes his hands. 

They stay like that for a while, and fall asleep with their hands still intertwined. 

* * *

They make it back to the fleet safely, Ren flies them back in record time. 

As much as Hux hates to admit it, he’s an excellent pilot. 

They spend all of their free time the next few days together, strategizing, planning their next missions, and just talking. 

Hux learns about Ren’s childhood and Ren learns about his. 

They talk about killing their fathers. Hux is the only person who understands why Ren did it. 

Ren learns about life on Arkanis, and how Hux had to train himself to change his accent from his Arkanis one to an Imperial one.

He learns that Hux’s original accent comes out when he’s angry or when he tries to speak and laugh at the same time. 

They grow closer; there’s something that connects you to someone when you spend hours late into the night talking, and when you share a fragile co commandership/ 

Ren is hanging off of Hux’s couch, his datapad above his face. It’s late and he grows tired and his datapad falls out of his grip and onto his face. 

Hux laughs at him and Ren grumbles. 

“Fuck you for laughing at my suffering,” Ren says, but there’s no malice in the words. 

Hux opens his mouth to say a witty retort, but “You’re beautiful when you suffer” comes out instead. 

Ren blushes and gapes at him and Hux stutters. 

“I mean not right now obviously, but when I found you in the snow on Starkiller, after you killed your father; you’re beautiful when you’re hurting.”

“So are you,” Ren says shyly. 

Hux blushes and turns back to his datapad. 

They don’t talk about it again. 


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ren has an epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will be sporadic, im a student and i dont really have a lot of time on my hands

As the days pass, they spend more and more time together. Hux is back to full health and back on the bridge, recovered from the cold, the only lasting effects are the slightly darker pink patches of skin on his hands. 

They’re scarred now, from the ice burns, and he mourns the perfectly smooth way his slender, pale fingers had looked. 

They don’t talk about Hux’s words, but they echo in Ren’s head. 

_ “You’re beautiful when you suffer.”  _

He still doesn’t know how he feels about Hux, but he haunts his dreams, flashes of bodies pressed against each other, lips pressing kisses into his thigh. 

He knows it’s Hux from the glint of his shiny red hair, the Arkanian accent that slips out when he moans (he knows this from when Hux moans in pain, they haven’t fucked yet, no matter how much Ren wants to). 

Maybe it’s some cruel tease from the force, a taste of what he wants but can never have. But the dreams are probably just him desperately needing to get laid, projecting his desire onto whoever he’s closest to at the moment, which just happens to be Hux. 

He decides to go out and have good, casual sex on his next shore leave. That should get whatever this is with Hux out of his system. 

* * *

He finds a club on the planet they’re currently , having taken his shuttle to the city down from the Finalizer. His eye catches a long red headed woman, who walks over to him.

“Do you realize how many people in this establishment currently have their eyes on you?” she asks with lowered lids and a velvety voice.

Ren smirks, casting a careless gaze around them before winking at her. “That was my entire purpose in coming here tonight.”

“Then I would say you have succeeded.” She smirks right back at him, stepping closer, between his thighs.

“Has it worked on you?” 

She drops her eyes to Ren’s lap where he’s almost half-hard. She smiles and places a hand in the middle of his thigh, scratching her fingernails up and down.

“Perhaps,” she says, looking back up at Ren coyly. “What is your name?”

“I’m Ren,” he says. Her curls his arm around her waist and tugs her closer. Deep down he knows it’s not going to work; she reminds him too much of Hux already and he can’t stop comparing her to him. “And you?”

“I’m Rowan.” She squeezes his leg again, purposefully this time. “Shall we have fuck now?”

Ren twitches. “Yes.” He loves anyone that can get straight to the point.

He stands, pressing his body against Rowan’s as he does, hand skating along her back.

“I know a place we can go,” he says, stepping back and nodding towards the door.

As soon as they’ve stepped into the room Ren had reserved for the night, she pushes him back against the wall and fixes her mouth to his. She swipes her tongue into his mouth, and he moans around the feeling of it. 

He wraps his arms around her, one hand grabbing her ass, the other tangling in her long, red hair, but he has to pull back again when Rowan fists her hands in his shirt and tugs it up.

Ren reaches down with both his hands now until he can grab a hold of the hem of Rowan’s short dress; he pulls it up and off in one swift motion, then walks her backward until her knees hit the edge of the bed. She sits and crawls back a bit, a slender pale hand out to him. He takes it, kneeling on the bed over her. But then she laces their fingers together.

He freezes. A sense of wrongness comes over him all at once, and he can’t figure out why until his brain supplies him with impressions of a different hand in his, a smaller pale hand, wrapped in bandages and now scarred from the cold. 

She notices when he hesitates and sits up on an elbow with a concerned frown. “You’ve done this before, right?” she asks hesitantly. 

Ren laughs nervously, tugging his hand out of hers and rubbing it over his eyes. He feels completely sober now, the brandy he’d ordered, knowing it was Hux’s favorite (fuck him, he can’t get him out of his head) worn off. “Yeah, I have. Sorry, I’m not sure what just happened.”

She sits up completely, tucking her legs up under her. “Are you with someone else? I’m not going to help you cheat on your partner, I don’t do infidelity.”

“No, don’t worry, it’s not like that.” He winces, “Although, I guess maybe it’s a little like that.”

She’s quick and makes the connection easily. “You’re interested in someone, but you aren’t together yet,” she sums up.

“Got it in one.” He looks at her and cringes in embarrassment, “Sorry about this.”

Rowan just shrugs, picking herself up off the bed and grabbing her dress from the floor smoothly. “I can find someone else.” She pulls the dress over her head and smoothes it down. Ren lets his eyes linger over her gentle curves, and he’s sure she’s right.

She’s looking at him likewise, staring at his bare chest with regret. “Although, you were the most attractive male in that bar.”

He smiles, feeling thankful for her nonchalance—he could’ve tried to hook-up with someone much less understanding than Rowan.

“Hey,” he says, reaching into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out his hotel key, “If you want to pick up someone else, you can bring him back here. I paid for the room already.”

“You’re not going to stay here?”

“I think there’s somewhere else I need to be.”

She smiles at that, grabbing the card from his fingers. “Then I will take you up on your offer.”

Ren heads to the door, picking his clothing back up on the way and pulling it on. “Enjoy,” he says over his shoulder.

Rowan smirks, “I will.”

* * *

After he gets back and after he’s changed back into his robes and helmet, he storms onto the bridge to find Hux, and to the stormtroopers and other officers, he’s sure he looks angry or like he’s on a rampage, they scuttle out of his way. 

He isn’t on the bridge, so he guesses he’s in his quarters. Ren stands outside the security door and looks into the camera. He knows Hux is alerted immediately that he’s here, but he takes his time letting him in. 

Hux glares at him as he removes his helmet. 

“Where the hell were you?” he asks. 

Ren just stares at him. “Taking my shore leave?” 

“You said we’d go over the reports and strategize for our next move against the resistance tonight.” 

He says it sharply, the words cutting like knives. 

Ren feels horrible. 

“Hux I am so, so sorry-” he starts. 

He cuts him off. 

“Forget it, Ren, we had plans and you stood me up, it’s as simple as that, now get out of my quarters.”

Ren drops his mask on one of the side tables next to Hux’s ice blue couch and steps closer to him. He stands up and draws himself to full height. 

There’s less than a foot of space between them. 

“I said get out,” Hux repeats. When Ren doesn’t move, he unsheaths his monomolecular blade and holds it against Ren’s gut. 

He starts walking Ren towards the door, but Ren redirects him, shoving his hand holding the blade out of the way and pressing Hux against the durasteel wall. 

“I’m not leaving,” he says roughly, then brings their lips together. 

For a second, Hux doesn’t move but then he’s kissing Ren back and it’s perfect, even better than he’d imagined or dreamed. 

They press their lips against each others for a while, then Hux changes the angle and bites down on Ren’s bottom lip. 

He lets out a startled moan against his mouth and they break apart. They’re both panting slightly, and Hux’s hair, loose from its usual pomade, is falling into his face a little. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Ren says softly. 

Hux smiles and kisses him again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed, please leave a comment or kudos, theyre what really motivate me to keep writing


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its been a while, i hope you enjoy!

They kiss until Hux has to leave for his next shift. Ren promises to come back and finish what they started, which Hux assumes to mean that they’ll fuck. 

He’s scared to be intimate with Ren, but he’s also wanted him physically for so long, that his body overtakes what his brain thinks. 

He’s distracted on the bridge, thinking about how many hours are left until he can see Ren again. 

Ren takes him by surprise and comes striding onto the bridge in the middle of his shift. “We need to talk, General,” he says, and Hux can’t help but think how much nicer his voice is without the modulator, it’s not as deep and there’s no static and he can hear the rich tones of it. 

Hux nods and follows him into a conference room. 

Ren extends a hand to lock the door with the force, then takes his helmet off. 

“I missed you,” he says, and pulls Hux into a kiss. For a second he just freezes in shock, but then he kisses him back, slipping his tongue into his mouth. 

Hux smiles, breaking the kiss. 

“I missed you too.” 

* * *

They fall into a routine, spending all of their free time together, in bed, sparring, or just talking. It’s nice to have someone to not be alone with, and someone to keep the bed warm, someone to talk with until the late hours of the night. 

He could get used to this, Hux thinks to himself. But not everything lasts, the small voice in the back of his head pipes up. All things die in the end, even Starkiller base, even the great commandant Brendol Hux. 

Their relationship will come to an end, and Hux has to remember that. 

That way, he can move on in the end, not let the hurt eat him up inside. 

* * *

Ren catches him on the observation deck. He’s staring out the panes of transparisteel, out at the faint dots of light that make up faraway stars and planets.

He sits down to join the red haired man, leaving a little bit of space between them. 

They’re close, and it’s new to Hux, trusting someone enough to let them get closer than five feet to you. 

“I wondered where you went, I felt your presence was missing and I followed it here.” he says softly. “What happened?” 

Hux had known it would come to this, that Ren would notice he’d left the bed. 

“I couldn't sleep,” he says, being vague. He’s not about to tell Ren that he had a nightmare his father found him again. 

Ren makes a noise of acknowledgement and then falls silent. 

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Hux asks out of nowhere. Ren looks up at him from where he was slumped over, chin resting on his hands. He’s without the mask now, having removed it when he walked onto the deck. “The fact that we can travel the stars, that is,” he adds. 

“There are some civilizations that barely have electricity, some that don’t even have a language and here we are, in hyperspace.”

Ren nods, not wanting to interrupt where Hux is going. 

“It makes me feel invincible, powerful, designing things like this, things like Starkiller. When I was younger, the first thing I designed was a new class of star destroyer. My father stole my designs and passed them off as his own, and I decided I’d never let anyone take anything from me again.” 

Hux continues speaking. 

“But now everything’s gone, Starkiller, my reputation, and my worth to Snoke and the rest of the order. What’s even the point anymore, I don’t have anything left.” 

“That’s not true,” Ren says. Hux stares at him. “You have me. Now and forever. Even if the stars fall on us, I’ll always be on your side.” 

Hux pulls him in for a kiss, trying to express what he can’t say aloud. He’s glad he has Ren, and he no longer sees him as a weapon, but someone who’ll stand with him. 

There’s a warm feeling in his chest, a burning, an aching, and he thinks maybe, just maybe, he might be in love. 

* * *

They lie in bed together after another round of sex, this one rougher than the last. 

“I think I love you,” Hux says quietly. 

It's almost a whisper and the air goes still at his words. He doesn’t know what possesses him to say it, he doesn’t even know if he’s sure that what he feels is what love  _ is,  _ but it’s probably the closest he’s going to get. 

“You don’t,” Ren says back. His voice is strained, and he can feel his eyes starting to water. 

“It can’t be true, Hux, we’ve only been doing this for a few weeks, we haven’t even--” 

“I’m in love with you.”

“You’re not.” 

“I am!” 

“Tell me why you’re in love with me,” Ren demands. 

Hux stutters, trying to come up with a response. How does he explain the feeling in his chest, the rush he gets when they touch, the way he knows Ren isn’t going to kill him anymore. 

“Why are you in love with me?” Ren repeats. His hands are clenched into fists and he’s moved so he’s sitting up facing Hux. 

“I was thinking, -that if you died right now, I would want to kill myself,” Hux finally says. “I can’t bear the thought of losing you,” 

Ren stares blankly at him

“That’s not love,” Ren says harshly.

“Then what is?” Hux retorts. His eyes have started to water and he stands up and starts pacing the room. 

“It’s not that easy--” Ren trails off in frustration. He doesn’t know how to explain this to Hux, that the way that he “loved” people wasn’t healthy and that both sides always got hurt in the end. 

He loved Hux, he realized. He had not expected it, but of course he did. How couldn't he? The problem was he had no idea what that meant for both of them. 

“You just want me to yourself, Hux. That’s just… being attached. You don’t love me.”

“I do,” Hux says, angrily now. 

“It’s not love, it’s resource-guarding.” 

“Why don’t you believe me?” Hux asks desperately. This wasn’t how he’d imagined that the night would go he’d imagined Ren would return his feelings, but since when had Ren ever been predictable?

“Even if I did, it’s not as if it would end well. People like us don’t deserve love.” 

With that, Ren stands and walks out of the room, using the force to angrily slam the door open. 

Hux lets him go. 

* * *

He sees Ren on the bridge the next day. 

It’s awkward; he meets Ren’s gaze under the mask and then looks away immediately, busying himself with chewing out one of his lieutenants for logging something incorrectly. 

Ren chokes another officer on the bridge in a fit of rage and Hux has to physically stop himself from running after him to demand why he’d done such a thing. 

Hux is a problem solver by nature, his brain a careful blueprint that tries to reason out everything. However, he doesn’t want to risk Ren hurting him. He’s valuable to the order and he needs to be alive to make sure he can fulfill his vision. 

It’s strange, getting used to the fact that Ren might actually kill him again, it had faded from the forefront of his mind, and in the scarce times he thought about the future, he imagined Ren and him going down with the Finalizer when they died. 

He stays on the bridge as Ren storms off to his quarters. 

The tension between them manifests in a strange prickling sensation on Hux’s skin, which he guesses is some strange force phenomenon that has to do with Ren being angry at him. 

It doesn’t go away, even as he lies in bed. It feels like someone’s watching him, and it takes him back to his days at the academy, lying asleep knowing that one of your classmates could stab you in your sleep, that you weren’t the only person in the room who was thinking about a way to get to the top. 

It’s hard to get used to sleeping alone after weeks of being with Ren. 

He sleeps on Ren’s side of the bed, he can still make out his scent on the pillow. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos and/or a comment, they're what really motivate me to keep writing.


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos and a comment if u enjoyed!

He’s learned to love the taste of whiskey burning down his throat, to find comfort in the warmth of it in his stomach. 

Hux never wanted to be like his father, but sometimes the alcohol helps, something to take the edge off, to make him feel something other than hunger. 

Now, he uses it to not feel so alone. He misses Ren, hell, some part of him has always missed Ren, when he was out on missions, when he was training with Snoke for weeks at a time, but it’s a different kind of longing now. 

He can’t help but think maybe Ren was right. With all the things he’s done, he doesn’t deserve to be happy. He keeps thinking he’s done this to himself, that  _ his  _ confession of love is what pushed him away. 

Deep down, he knows that isn’t true but the small voice in the back of his head, the one that sounds suspiciously like a mix of Rae Sloane and his father. 

He takes another shot, the burn barely making him wince. 

When he sets the shot glass down, he picks his datapad back up and tries not to think of hands fisted in dark wavy hair, the warmth of another body next to him in bed, kisses before heading out on the bridge. 

He’s restless now, so he puts his datapad down and walks the halls of the Finalizer, the ship humming beneath him. 

At least that hasn’t changed, it’s still familiar as the day he was born. 

He heads towards the observation deck unconsciously, his feet taking him there of their own accord. 

The durasteel doors slide open for him automatically, and he walks through them to see a figure hunched over, black robes spilling over the bench that’s there. 

Hux moves to leave, to turn around and pretend that he was never there, but Ren’s voice echoes through the empty room as he walks out, boots clicking on the floor. 

“Stay.” 

He freezes in his tracks, then turns back around and sits on the bench with him. 

Ren’s not wearing his mask, and god, has Hux missed his face. 

The distance between them feels like miles, but realistically it’s no more than three inches. 

They sit in silence until Ren breaks it, voice deep. 

“I’m sorry. I just- I don’t know how to love properly. But I’d- I would like to try and learn how, with you.” 

Hux closes the space between them and presses their lips together.

They’ll talk about this later, bare their souls open for the other, and try to put them back together again.

Now, he’s just grateful to have Ren’s lips against his. 

* * *

They fall into bed together again. 

It’s softer than it’s ever been before. 

If he were someone more sentimental, Hux would call it making love. 

As he fists his fingers in the sheets, he thinks he’d do anything to never lose this again. 

* * *

They lie in bed together, enjoying the afterglow. Ren has Hux pulled against him and one arm swung over him. 

Their breaths are in sync and he feels the rise and fall of Hux’s chest against him. 

“I love you,” Ren says softly into Hux’s hair, so softly he’s not sure if he heard him. 

Hux doesn’t respond, but Ren can feel his hands starting to shake from where they’re intertwined with his. 

“I- I  _ can’t… _ ” Hux starts, breaking the silence, and Ren realises he’s on the verge of tears. 

“You were right, Ren. People like us don’t get to love. But I hope we can try to together.” 

When everything is still, the air in the Hux’s quarters feels empty, like it’s not really there. He feels the Finalizer humming far beneath them. 

He feels Hux breathe in sharply from where he’s curled against him .

“You know that I can't be  _ yours _ . Not fully. I cannot belong to anyone, I can’t be tied down, and I  _ cannot _ allow anyone to get in the way of the order. I’m not even sure I know how to love, my father beat it out of me." His voice goes soft and slightly strained. 

"But I want you to know– Whatever I  _ can _ give is already yours. I do love you, as I told you before. That still hasn’t changed."

Ren doesn’t dare to speak - they’ve never broached this topic, never after their first kiss and their first time and after Hux’s first confession of love. Never dared to step too close to the thousand things that keep them hidden in the dark.

When Hux turns around, his eyes are full of fear. His hand finds Ren’s cheek, his thumb stroking the small scar above his eyebrow.

“I hope… That can be enough, Ren. I hope that you can take what I am able to give you - I would not ask for anything more in return.”

Ren can only watch as everything bright and beautiful in the universe blinks away tears, apologising to him for his love.

So he puts his arms around those skinny and freckled shoulders and tugs him a little closer, breathing in the smell of skin and tarine tea and crisp cold. 

“That’s more than enough.”

It’s Ren’s turn to fight tears, only he loses - they fall into that soft red hair. He doesn’t find it in him to care, not when they’re taking down all their walls anyway. 

“Hux… I love you  _ because _ of who you are, and how you were put together, piece by piece. Not in spite of it. I’m glad, I… Just to have  _ this _ \- It’s  _ enough _ .”

They’re both too emotional to say anything else, but they know now, they have each other. 

Ren pulls him even closer, which had seemed impossible, they’re already close enough that the lines between them are starting to blur. 

* * *

He wakes up alone. 

Ren panics for a second, but then remembers exchanging goodbyes with Hux in a sleep filled daze as he left early for Alpha shift. 

He picks up his datapad to see a message from Hux. 

_ “I’m sorry I had to leave, I wish I could’ve stayed.”  _

His eyes soften at the proof that the last night was real, and not a yearning induced dream. 

_ “I missed you.” _

He waits a while, and when there’s no response after five minutes, he heads into the refresher to shower. 

When he comes back, his datapad screen is lit up and he scampers over to it to see the message. 

_ “I missed you as well, love.” _

A warmth builds in his chest at the words. 

_ My love.  _

They love each other; they’ve finally figured it out. 

Maybe people like them don’t get to love but they’re going to learn how to together. 

* * *

  
  


“I’m still going to kill you, you know? My love doesn't change that,” Hux says as they lie in Ren’s quarters together the next day. 

They’d showered together and exchanged soft kisses on the couch until Hux had started yawning and Ren had ordered him to bed, stating that he’d have to get up early again for alpha shift. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, darling,” he responds and crashes their lips together. 

The kiss becomes more heated and Ren tries to slip his tongue into Hux’s mouth, but Hux pulls away before it can become anything more. 

“Weren’t you the one that said I needed sleep?” Hux asked with a raised eyebrow. His tone is mocking but there’s a small smile on his face. 

Ren rolls his eyes but pulls him against him so they're spooning. 

“If you insist.”

He strokes his hand through Hux’s hair until they both drift off to sleep. They sleep better together, as they were made for each other. 

This time, he knows that Hux will be there when he wakes up. 

_ They’re both going to stay.  _

  
  
  



End file.
